The miserables

Problogue

The first few weeks in Hyderabad, we almost always had dinner in the nearby restaurant.

When we had tried practically everything in Sandharshini's one page menu, we started ordering food from a North Indian aunty who cooked delicious food and sent a boy over to deliver it.

However our kitchen cabinet was as empty as the rest of the house. There wasnt a single utensil in it.

The first few days, we ate on paper plates.
The principal reason why we continued to eat on makshift plates and even newspapers for weeks after that is a miserable four lettered word. Amit.

At the local store.

'These stainless steel plates look good. Lets get some.'

With a sharp intake of breath, and his features contorted to represent what could euphemistically be described as outraged indignance, Amit gasps '40 Rupees ! Too much !'

At the road side shop.

'This is too much !'

At the Chinese store.

'This is too much !'

The reason why we eventually did manage to get some plates is because of what happened in Big Bazaar.

'30 Rupees per plate ! This is too much !'

'Shut up.'

'And stay that way until Oka and I purchase everything we need.'

-

'Hey, I gotta show you guys something.' Amit said excitedly.

Manish and I, slightly curious, followed him obediently.

'Ta da !' he said triumphantly as he drew out something from the small cabinet over the wash basin.
It was a Mach 3 shaving set.

'Wow ! Is it your birthday today ? You never told us ! Who gifted this to you ?'

'Hello ! I bought it.'

'Impossible.'

'On second thoughts, did you win a lottery or something like that ?'

'Yeah, you better tell us about it. It has to be divided by four like everything else.'

'How much did this cost you ?' I asked him.

'390 bucks.'

We spent the rest of the morning discussing heatedly about this event of frightfully alarming magnitude. Is this the beginning of the end of an era ? The era of the legendary miser ? The mere thought of the consequences sent a million nerve impulses across my body.


The evening before, Amit, Manish and I were sauntering down the road to home.

'Shit, I feel so tired.' I gave a massive yawn. 'Just couldnt sleep properly yesterday. The mosquitoes fucked me thoroughly.'

'They must be really desperate.' Manish chipped in. 'Now the next generation of mosquitoes is going to be black with a bony ass.'

'Your repellent is completely useless man. We should get a new one.'

'No need man' Manish said. 'You just have to switch the repellent on, whether or not it has any liquid in it. The mosquitoes, on seeing the light, would assume its on, and fly away.'

'Disgusting logic.'

'Well, its been working for the past two months.'

'You mean, its been two months since it ran out of liquid ?' I asked in disbelief.

'Hey, today's mother's day. Did you call up your mom ?' Amit interrupted.

'Yeah, I did. She first thought I wanted more money.'

Manish laughed. 'Imagine Amit's kid getting him a card on such a day. He'd slap the kid for wasting money.'

'That way, Kaushik's kids would face a big problem on mother's day.' I said. 'They wouldnt know which one of their moms to give a card to.'

'Yeah' Manish added, warming up to the idea. 'They'd end up buying a hundred cards, losing all their pocket money in the process.'

'Shit man, coming to think of it, its real tricky - the Kaushik factor.' I said. 'You know, if you marry a beautiful girl, chances are she would be one of his ex-girlfriends.'

'Shit, you are right.' Manish said. 'Imagine. Amit's wife would call up Kaushik after their first night, and thank him for the practise she had had earlier.'

'Stop it ! You guys are really pathetic.' Amit said.

Laughing like nutcases, we turned into the alley leading to Anand Residency.

'I have to get some stuff from Balaji Grand Bazaar' Amit said. 'So you guys carry on.'

'Cool. But dont expect us to leave any kaju barfis for you.'

'Okay no problem. But before that, you dont expect to find any of them. I finished them today morning.'

'Pig !'

'Fat ass !'

Having had the last laugh, Amit entered the superstore and started walking between the racks, scanning the products for the stuff he needed.

Something caught his attention. He stopped.

A Mach 3 shaving set.

There was a tag attached to it. He turned it to read it.
"Gillette Deodrant Spray worth Rs. 190 free."

Cool deal, he thought. Fantastic deal in fact.

After fifteen minutes of deliberation, he walked to the billing counter, thoroughly satisfied with his purchase.

He gave his credit card to the guy at the billing counter and watched it being swiped. As the guy put the purhcases in a plastic cover, Amit asked him. 'Excuse me, what about the Gillette spray ? There's an offer right ?'

'It was valid only upto the 31st of Apirl', the guy barked. He pulled the tag free from the shaving set and tossed it unceremoniously into the trash can.

In the split second that followed, Amit's eyes first went to the credit card machine. The card had already been swiped.

Then they went to the receipt. He had already signed it.

Then they went to the plastic cover the guy was holding out for him. Too late.

It was then that his eyes started growing wider and wider - as wide as saucers, until they almost popped out into the plastic cover the man was holding.

Epiblogue

Manish and I were at Chutneys, impatiently waiting for Amit.

'We should have told him to start much earlier. I would rather have him wait here, than us.' I said.

'He should have been here before us anyway. What the hell is he doing ? Its a ten minute auto ride from his office to this place !'

'Call the screwball up.'

'Okay.' Manish said, pulling his mobile phone out.

'Hello. Where are you ?'

'I am on the way.' Amit replied.

'Why is it taking this long ? We've been waiting for the past twenty minutes.' Manish demanded.

'I will be there in five minutes.'

'Are you in an auto now ?'

'No. I am walking.'

'What ??'

'Yeah. I am planning to walk to and from office for the next one month.'