By our special correspondent.

Manhunt on for the bald eve-teaser
30th April, 2004. Hyderabad. By our special correspondent.

The Cyberabad police has launched a hunt for a man who has been harassing young girls walking on empty roads, in and around Hi-tec city. According to a traumatized young girl, the suspect stopped his bike right in front of her and menacingly asked her if she wanted a lift to office. The victim has been admitted to Vikram hospital, Madhapur.
Police have put together a description of the suspect, after gathering information from the victims. The suspect is big, bald, bespectacled and rides a pulsar.
Anyone who offers information about him will be suitably rewarded...

'You know what happened today ?' Pratik had a sheepish smile on his face.

'What ?'

'Dont tell anyone, okay ?'

'Oh, that sort of thing huh ?' my eyes lit up. 'Okay, I wont tell anyone'.

'I was driving down this road, and saw this girl walking ahead.'

'Okay.'

'I stopped by her, and asked if she was working in Oracle', he paused.
'She said yes, a bit hesitatingly.'

'Wow.Then ?'

'Then I asked her if she wanted a lift till office.'

'What ?' I asked, flabbergasted. 'What did she say ?'

'She said no, and I drove off'

'Fuck man, she must have thought you were an eve-teaser or something ! How can you do something like that !'

'Come on, I had no such intentions. There was hardly any auto or anyone for that matter, so I thought I would help her.'

'No one around ? I dont blame her at all. I am amazed she didnt take to her heels. In fact, I wouldnt be surprised if by now all the nearby police stations have a pencil sketch resembling you on their notice boards, under the rapists section.'

'Shut the fuck up.'


By lunch, all my team mates knew about this incident, and during lunch we had a good laugh at his expense.
Needless to say, he was smouldering. And I was loving every bit of it.

Post lunch, most of the team, four of us actually, meandered towards the Table Tennis table.

There is no dedicated room for the TT table. Thats because Oracle has been hiring people in dozens and inevitably ran out of space to place new work stations. All the TT rooms, some conference rooms, and some huddle rooms have been filled - first with computers, and then with people.

So, the TT table is placed in an open space where the elevators and the doors to the washrooms are.

As usual, Pratik ran ahead of us, and tried all the four bats, looking for the best one.
Sunil, a bit late, ended up grabbing the same bat as Pratik did, and there was a mini tug of war going on between them. It was like a chipmunk trying to grab a banana from a gorilla.
The rest of us, understanding better the futility of such an exercise, picked up the remaining bats.

'Wait a second. I'll be back.' said Pratik as he left his bat and turned towards the washroom.

Then he stopped, as if something had struck him, turned and picked up his bat, before Sunil could even think of stealing it, and went into the washroom.

'Disgusting' I said.

When he returned, he was altruistic all of a sudden, offering his bat to everyone.
Understandably no one wanted it. Sunil almost backed into the elevator when Pratik offered him the bat.

We played a couple of games.
Predictable games, because when the team playing opposite Sunil wanted to win, they'd scare him when he's serving.

'BRRRR !!', they'd shout at the precise moment, and he'd serve it either onto the net or beyond the table.
I almost tore my hair out, because I was on the same team as Sunil.

A little later, when the others had left, Pratik and I got down to playing a few singles.

'Lets do one thing. Lets bet on this match.' he said.

'Ok. Whats the bet ?'

'100 bucks.'

'10 bucks.' Now that's confidence.

'Cheap fellow. Lets make it 50 bucks.' he snorted. 'The loser owes the winner a coffee worth 50 bucks in Cafe Coffee Day.'

'Deal.'

The reason I even submitted to this bet despite Pratik being the better player is that I have often won over him in the past by a very Australian technique. Sledging.

Whenever his shot goes outside or whenever he nets the ball, I would mock him ruthlessly for his mis-hit, and cause him to lose his composure. He'd spray the next few shots all over the place and I'd go on to win the match.

Confidently, I went into the first 'coffee match.'


Man found on TT table in a strange state.
30th April, 2004. Hyderabad. By our special correspondent.

Cyber Towers security found a big, bald, hairy man lying in a state of shock on a Table Tennis board, with all his hair standing up.
He held a Table Tennis bat in his mouth. Also on closer inspection they found the following words written on his bare rear, amongst a lot of violet bruises. "Here's your coffee".
The Madhapur police is investigating...

'Tsk tsk, poor fellow. How frustrated you look !'

'Shut up'

'Do you want to play one more ?'

After I lost the first one, I challenged him for a 'best of 3' bet, so that I could win back the lost 50 bucks. And after its even between us, I could stop. Why be greedy ?

After I lost the next two games, I challenged him for another 'best of 3' bet. I had to bring down the amount from 100 to 50. 50 is not too much. I could afford to throw 50 bucks on him.

After I lost the next two games, I finally had the sense to stop.

'Shit man, I bet you five games in a row. Add to that the two games I won before the coffee matches, and I've beaten you seven times in a row.'

'Okay. Now stop. Dont rub it in.' That smirk on his face.

'In fact, I think I killed your game. You've forgotten how to play. Tsk tsk, poor fellow'.

That fucking smirk.
'Dude...'

'When am I getting my coffee ?'

'You want coffee ? Here's your coffee ...'


Somehow I managed to convince Pratik that I'll treat him next month. He was convinced partly because he could understand what it is to be near the end of the month. We were both broke.

Later in the day, we joined Jaideep and Srini for dinner in Oracle cafeteria.

A telegu song was playing on the TV.

'Hey, who's that babe ?' I asked to no one in general.

'Yeah, hot and fuckable.' Pratik added in dirtily, typically.

'She dances well.' I observed. 'Wait a minute, who's that fat ass behind her ?'

'Hey !!' Srini cried.

'Watch it dude. Thats our superstar.' Jaideep said.

'Bullshit. Look at him dancing with a girl half his age.'

'Yeah, she looks like she could pass for his daughter. Isnt he ashamed to dance around like this with a girl probably in the same class as his daughter ?'

'He's a great actor.' Srini claimed.

'He must have done a lot of things with her.' Pratik chipped in.

'He wont do anything like that.' Srini persisted.

'What do you mean, he wont do anything ? Or is it that he cant do anything?' I asked with one end of my mouth up in a sly smile.

'Yeah, does he have problems, umm... standing up ?' Pratik and I started laughing.

Jaideep and Srini gave us icy looks, as we hi-fived each other.


Filmi message stupefies police.
30th April, 2004. Hyderabad. By our special correspondent.

Two men, one skinny and dark, and the other big and hairy were found in a state of trance in the Oracle cafeteria, Cyber Towers. Struck on their chests were posters of a popular Gujarathi film hero and a popular Tamil hero respectively. Around their necks was a garland of footwear. Written on their foreheads were the words 'Hail Chiranjeevi'.
Investigations are going on...