Deshpande, Amit Deshpande.

It was beautiful.

The evening sky was clear, without a speck of cloud. The scattered stars decorated its vast expanse with the full moon smiling gloriously among them. Directly below, from the placid waters of the Hussain sagar lake, shone his near-perfect reflection.

The gentle breeze ruffled her long hair and a few beautiful strands fell across her lovely face. She turned away from the heavenly view of the lake to look at me.
She smiled.

She was beautiful.

Leaning across the table, I whispered into her ear. She immediately broke into giggles - sounding like a dozen wind chimes dancing to the tune of the wind. I couldnt take my eyes away from her magnificent beauty.

As those melodious peals of her laughter faded into the evening, she slipped her palm over mine. She smiled like an angel. Oh, how weak in the knees I went when she smiled like that.
The gentle breeze lightened further, and for a second everything was perfectly still.

Gently she sang...

"With their guns, and their bombs... "

I didnt even think about the relevance of the song, as I closed my eyes and got totally lost in the magic of her voice.

"..and their tanks, they are fighting..."

Something was happening to her voice. It wasnt the same.

"In your head.... in your head..."

Something was really wrong. It wasnt the same sweet voice. In fact it was anything but sweet. She sounded gruff and harsh now. What was happening ? And why was I finding it so difficult to open my eyes ?

"Zombie... zombie.."

It was turning into an absolute cacophony. The voice (if I could call that one) had taken an irritatingly grating quality - like a million toads croaking all at once.
It wasnt a song anymore. It was noise. In its purest form.

"ZOMBIE !!"

My eyes flew open.

In place of the magnificient view, stood my magnificently cluttered room. The Hussain Sagar had shrunk to a puddle of water on the floor - something which Manish had done the day before and I had forgotten to wipe it up. (Nothing drastic. He had just spilt a glass of water). Maybe the light on my mosquito repellent had been the brilliant moon. The fan accounted for the 'breeze'.

Wait a minute.. what about my ravishing beauty? I looked up from my pillow, and found someone meddling with something in the cupboard.

Amit.

"Zombie !! Zombie !!"

And his hair was anything but long and silky. In fact, a porcupine would better resemble his head.
Can the day's start BE any worse ? Trust Amit to rescue me from a lovely dream and throw me into a nightmare.

Amit is our Tansen. He is capable of a million things just with his outstanding voice. When he 'sings', the following could happen.

• A grid failure and a power blackout in Hyderabad. (Remember, Tansen could bring the lamps back on. It would take a million Tansens to repair the damage Amit would cause).
• The mosquitos in our apartment would fall dead quicker than due to any repellent man has ever discovered and would ever discover.
• People in a radius of 1 km would close all their windows and doors, and go into hiding. I've heard that people have even started constructing bunkers. I've also heard that ladies silence their wailing babies by just dropping Amit's name.
• Dogs and cats run helter skelter. The few who were unfortunate enough not to escape Amit's wrath.. I mean.. talent would be picked up by dog vans the next day, with their eardrums shattered and hair standing right up in a state of shock.

Okay.
His 'singing' is not that catastrophic. But I am sure he is trying to improve upon his voice and I am worried about the consequences. Someone ought to tell him that he's no Indian Idol.
I am sure millions did, but someone has to tell him in a way that'd shut him up for good.

And its not just in this area where Amit flaunts his high-handedness and arrogance.

Some time back, Anuj's room-mate had packed his bags and left for Bangalore. Anuj was left without a room-mate and was looking for alternate means of accomodation, as he wasnt prepared to bear the full rent himself, and maybe it was much too boring for him to live alone. (He would definitely have weighed the advantages and disadvantages of solititude).

I thought we could accomodate him in our apartment, as we had quite a spacious apartment and one more person wouldnt take up too much space. (forget the fact that Anuj looks more like a bison than a human)
So we thought we could have a meeting among ourselves.

Somehow, the meeting kept getting postponed until Amit decided to take the initiative.
Look at the mail he sent out.
(The text I've reproduced is completely unabridged except for my interspersed comments).

"Hi Flatmates,

This is to bring to your notice that we have a meeting scheduled tonight @ 204, Anand Residency at 20:00 IST.

The important points in agenda to be discussed tonight are

1. Fate of Mr. Anuj. Whether we want to keep him or kick him out (I wonder how can we kick him out, before he even entered?, but then its the irony).
2. Fate of the person who promises to get the water refill this time but never fulfils it. We can even argue to replace this species in our flat with Mr. Anuj.
   (That would be me.)
3. Decide on the fate of the persons who are reluctant in washing their own plates. We can even think of replacing this person with revered Mr. Anuj.
   (That's Kaushik.)
4. Decide on the fate of the person who roams around in the flat in undies. This is another option for replacement.
   (Manish is gonna kill me for letting this one out.)
5. Decide the fate of Room No. 3 which is not being used. I am planning to shift there, but if any of you have any objection, it can be raised during the meeting.

I advise you all to be well prepared. Because it is possible that anyone of you could be kicked out for accomodating Mr. Anuj.
However sole power of descretion lies with me and I am free to reject or accept any views. (Bribes accepted with the rule "sort bribe head -1", so rush now)

The meeting will be followed by an unofficial TTMM (Tera Tu Mera Mein) dinner. Book your dinner order @ 9866228820.
(That's Manish's phone number.)

If you have any issues please let me know. But accepting them is altogether different matter @ sole descretion of mine.
Expecting to see you all.

One & Only
Amit Deshpande"

Nobody went to the meeting.