A yelping hand.

In hindsight, it was all Kaushik's fault.

If he hadnt gone on to bond with her that day we wouldnt have had these kind of problems.
At least he should have stopped with one day's friendship. But he went to her everyday after that, muttering sweet nothings into her ear.

After a few days he gathered enough courage to hug her and stroke her chest affectionately.

And she reciprocated by licking him all over his face.

Ruby's an Alsatian. She's our neighbour Salma aunty's pet dog.
Salma aunty is herself like a huge bulldog. Now, dont get me wrong. I am not saying this with an intention to humiliate her or to sound rude. Rather I am just trying to provide a description by which you'd be able to visualise her.

But yeah, she's quite dark. She's big and obese and has a perpetual scorn on her face.
A bulldog is just about the perfect description for her.

But to her credit, she is quite social and has pretty good communication skills, which would partly explain why she frequently made small talk with Kaushik. (The other part that would explain it is the fact that she's still single).

So, the first time when she ordered some rotis and forgot to order the side dishes, Kaushik had no qualms in sharing with her, part of his rajama.
After all, you wouldnt be a good neighbour if you couldnt lend a helping hand, would you?

A couple of weeks later, I observed that Kaushik rarely went to see Ruby.
He would probably have got bored of the dog.

Well, that might be the explanation of an average guy.
Personally, I suspected that he had a couple of tooth marks on his rear. Whats more, I even found him walking strangely on his toes whenever he passed by Salma aunty's door; to avoid the dog's wrath maybe.

It became clear later on that Kaushik was trying to avoid Salma aunty and not the poor dog.
This is what led me to think in those lines.

That day, Kaushik and I were in the basement of Anand Residency, where the vehicles are parked. I was hitching a ride to office on his bike.

Just as Kaushik put his helmet on, there came Salma aunty and Ruby.

Strangely Ruby was walking behind aunty.
I found it weird because when I take Timmy, my pet dog, out for walking, he behaves as if he's the king of that area and I am his chauffeur. He literally drags me around (quite ironically, because the leash is on him).
A couple of times, I've stumbled and fallen right on my face.
By the time, he's done, I look more exhausted than him. Its a wonder how he packs so much energy in that tiny little furry body of his.

Not so, with Ruby.
Maybe she recognized the presence of a superior pedigree there and wisely chose to stay in the background.

Coming back to the situation, Salma said a hi to Kaushik and got to talking about the dog.

'Your Ruby hasnt been too well lately' she said.

'What happened to her?' said Kaushik running his hand over Ruby's back.

'I dont know. She's been dull throughout the day. She hasnt eaten anything since morning'

'Oh, thats okay, aunty. Dogs frequently take a day off when it comes to diet'. Yeah, Kaushik would definitely know about dogs.
Funny though. I've never seen Amit take a day off. In fact, its Manish who goes on fast every Thursday. Hmm.

'By the way Kaushik, did you tell the carpenter?'

'No aunty, unfortunately I havent had the time.'

'Tell him soon, okay. Just ask him to come and visit Salma's house - 202, Anand Residency. I have been waiting for the woodwork for quite a few days'.

'Okay aunty. I will do it whenever I can.'

'Thank you, Kaushik. Have a nice day.'

'You too aunty.'

As we got moving on the bike, I asked him 'Dude, what's this about the carpenter ?'

'She has been bugging me about this yaar. She wants me to go to the carpenter shop in the next lane and ask the guy to go visit her. I dont know why she cant do it herself.'

'Yeah, man. She sure can use a bit of walking. As of now, Ruby would beat her hands down in a beauty contest.'

'Whats more. She has his phone number as well. I dont know why she's after my life.'

So thats why Kaushik was tiptoeing like a criminal whenever he went past aunty's door.
It became even clearer when I picked up a couple of phone calls from aunty on the intercom that evening asking me to remind Kaushik about the carpenter.
I gleefully did that as soon as he came home.

But if I thought that she's gonna stop with the carpenter, I was quite wrong.

That morning, I had just come home after an overnight train journey from Chennai. I found aunty and Ruby at our door, talking to Amit. I caught the lower end of the conversation.

'Is she there now?' Aunty asked Amit.

'No, she's gone out for sightseeing.'

'When she gets back, tell me okay. I want to meet her'.

'Sure aunty.'

'Ok. I'll get going. Ruby has to have her walk'

'Okay aunty. See you later.'

I said a quick hi to aunty to her as she walked past me and jumped aside as Ruby walked by behind her mistress.

When she was out of earshot, 'Hey, has someone come to our house ?'

'Yeah, Manish's mom has come'

'Really?'

'Yesterday Salma aunty was telling Kaushik that two guys - her relatives were coming to visit her. She was asking if they could stay at our place, as she felt uncomfortable letting them stay with her, single that she is.'

'What ????'
I immediately imagined myself coming home and finding one guy sleeping on my bed with my shorts on, and the other blowing his nose into my tee shirt and throwing it into my cupboard.

'Yeah. Thats when Kaushik decided that Manish's mom has come to visit us.'

'You mean, he came up with this huge lie on the spur of the moment ?'

'Yeah.'

'What a screwed up lie ! What if she had asked me about Manish's mom ? I just arrived and I know nothing about it.'

'Did she ask you?'

'No she didnt. But what if she had ?'

'But did she ?'

'Oh forget it'. He would go on and on like this and I was in no mood to argue with the stubborn jackass first thing in the morning.


Well, that wasnt the end of it. The next day when I returned home from office, I found Amit looking particularly irritated.

'Whats up, man. Why are you making that pretty face?'

'She wants me to install Windows 2000 on her computer.'

'Yay !!'

'Oka. I am already pissed. Dont rub it in.'

'Kaushik is her handyman, and you are her technical support guy. How do you like it ? Do you have job satisfaction? Do you have good working conditions ? Do you face sexual harassment ?' I held an imaginary mike near Amit.

'Shut up.' he said. 'But really, I have no idea how this Windows thing hit her suddenly.'

'The brilliance shows on your face when your spectacles light up and your hair stands on its end.'

'Get lost.'

'But seriously.' I said. 'why did she pick YOU for this ?'


So thats how the situation is right now.
I havent been pressed into her service yet, and I am happy about it.

Maybe later on, she'd give jobs to Manish and me as well.
Manish would probably become her gigolo, and I would become her... umm.. I cant think of a single thing I am useful for.

What is sure is that she would sooner or later ask us to do something or the other for her. Its in her nature to know what to ask whom.

Or is it ?

A day earlier, I was chatting with aunty myself. I wanted to know where I could find a shop which would home-deliver cans of drinking water. She said we could see the shop right from her balcony, and called me in, to show me the shop.
Sure enough, there was a super store right across the road, clearly visible from the balcony.

As I crossed the room towards the door, I noticed that the house was quite well-maintained. There were quite a few wall hangings and paintings adorning the wall. The sofas looked royal between the lovely glass table in the center. There was a beautiful lamp as well.

The only thing that looked a bit out of place in that room was a computer in the corner.

'What do you do on the computer, aunty ?'

'Oh, I use it for browsing and chatting. Though I havent been using it much lately.'

'Why not?'

'It has been giving me a lot of problems.'

'What happened ?'

'The computer hangs frequently. I would be having fun chatting with one of my friends and suddenly wham ! - a blue screen would appear asking me to restart the computer. Its so irritating.'

'Hmm.' I said as I pressed a few keys on the keyboard. 'Looks like you are using an older version of Windows. Why dont you install Windows 2000 on your system ? It is considered more stable.'

'Will that help ?'

'Sure. And whats more, I know just the person who'd do it for you.'